A Life Worth Living
by BuryTheHatchet
Summary: What is it that makes a life worth living? I really do not want to give anything away in my summary. It will be TIVA in the end. Maybe. You shall have to read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello dear fellows. How are you all this fine day? I know what you are all thinking. You are thinking 'Another one? She is writing another one?! What about** ** _It Takes Two_** **? What about that final possible chapter of** ** _Everything Starts Somewhere_** **? What about the final chapter of** ** _Intoxicated_** **?' Well, do not panic, do not fear,** ** _It Takes Two_** **is still continuing, I am still working on the last chapter of** ** _Intoxicated_** **and I am still uncertain about** ** _Everything At Once_** **.**

 **'So,' I hear you say, 'What are you doing with this? Surly you are so busy with this then?'**

 **And I shall reply with this: I do not know. I. Do. Not. Know. I had a bad nights sleep the night before valentines day and coupled with my initial hatred for the day, was in a very bad mood, meaning I was left alone to my anger by my family, nobody wanting to incur the wrath of me, and started writing this. And I continued to write it. And continued. And continued a little more. And then I realised I had written an entire story in one document. I think the word document was actually 25 pages long, and I really did not want to split it up into chapters, but I realised that it was realistically too long to have as a one shot. So, I shall upload it one chapter a day, until I am out of chapters. As I write this author's note, I realise that this does not even have a title yet. I wonder what I shall name it…**

A Life Worth Living

Chapter One

He lifted his head up and let it drop back onto the pillow. He stared at the tangle of brown curls in front of him and recognised the familiar heady scent of coconut shampoo. _Great_ he thought. _This one even uses the same shampoo as her._ He'd noticed that lately he had been favouring brunets to blondes, particularly brunets with long, curly hair and tanned skin. His 'substitutes' as he'd grown to call them. He never bothered to remember their names, they never satisfied his need for her anyway. He groaned and closed his eyes and for a moment allowed himself to imagine it was her lying next to him. She even snored like Ziva.

* * *

She shivered at how cold it was in the room. The air-con was on. In the middle of February. She opened her eyes to the sight of a three-quarters empty bottle of tequila. She remembered up to the third glass of red wine, then everything went just a little more than slightly fuzzy. It wasn't like her; she could normally handle her liquor quite well. She closed her eyes again and allowed her heavy head to drift back to sleep, for once not caring that Gibbs would kill her when she turned up late. Subconsciously she registered a groan coming from somewhere behind her.

* * *

She watched, entranced, as the red liquid glugged into the glass, not really caring how much she poured. He had been gloating about his date for the night when she had finally had enough and left. Valentines day. It was by far the worst day of the year. Why did people even celebrate it anyway? McGee had spent the morning explaining it to her. Then Tony had tried, just making it worse. She ignored the knocking at her door. It was probably Abby or McGee or Ducky or the director. She had left the bullpen in quite a hurry. "Hey, Ziva, open up will you!" She stayed silent during Tony's yelling. He'd get bored soon enough and leave her alone to wallow. "I know you're in there, David! Now open this damn door!" She couldn't muster the strength to tell him to leave; she wanted him there after all. She just knew that having him there would make everything hurt more, knowing that he was there in front of her and yet she couldn't have him, but she could never say no to him and really mean it. She just had to ride out the storm. He was Tony DiNozzo, he got bored of every woman eventually, and he would get bored of her pretty soon if she just refused to open the door. It didn't cross her mind to wonder why he was stood at her door, and not out with his date. The date that he had been raving about all day. "You started without me." She felt pressure on the sofa cushion as he slumped down next to her.

"How did you get in here?"

"Picked the lock." He shrugged, staring at the profile of her face as she refused to look at him.

"Why?"

"My date said her fiancée was offering a more secure relationship than just a fling." He shrugged again. "I brought tequila."

"So why did you bring the tequila to my place? Why not McGee?"

"'Cause McGee is out with Abby." She nodded, recalling something about a yearly tradition between the two friends.

"What about Gibbs?"

"Ziva, I may be desperate, but I am not desperate enough to sit in a dark basement drinking bourbon and watching Gibbs build another damn boat." He laughed and she looked at him for the first time that evening.

"Why did you not just go to a bar and pick up some bimbo?" The bitterness was clear in her voice.

"Because I'm fed up of going to bed with random women. Besides, who'd want me? Really actually want me?"

"What are you talking about DiNozzo? Who would not want you?" She drained the glass that she had been sipping from as he drank straight from the bottle of tequila.

"Are you saying you want me?"

"That is not what I said." She shook her head and took the alcohol out of his hand.

"Yes, it is."

"So what if I do then? What do you propose?"

* * *

She was startled awake when a glass of water was placed rather heavily on the bedside cabinet. "Sorry." A mumbled apology was given. She looked up at Tony's face.

"Not just a dream then?"

"Nope." He shook his head slowly and left the room, heading towards the bathroom. She dressed silently, knowing she needed a shower and also knowing that they needed to sort this out as soon as possible, meaning that hot water and coconut shampoo would have to wait. She walked through to her kitchen and made a pot of coffee and toast. The silence was oppressive as they sat opposite each other at the table, picking at their toast.

They both opened their mouths to speak. "Last night was a drunken mistake. It will never happen again, it will never be mentioned again and it will never be thought of again." He stared at her, shocked.

"Right, if that's what you want." He nodded. It certainly wasn't what he wanted, but he knew that disagreeing with Ziva could be dangerous.

"We will go on as if nothing ever happened." She stated. It wasn't what she wanted, but it was the only way she could protect herself. It was the only way to stop herself from getting hurt by him.

"Good." His heart was telling him to fight; his brain was telling him to avoid all bodily harm, or even just threats of bodily harm. _No point in trying for the impossible, DiNozzo. The heart wants what it wants and hers clearly does not want you._

* * *

Of course, their plan for everything to go back to how it was didn't really work. There were fewer jokes, and those that were told were always well within acceptable limits of professionalism. They didn't flirt – it was hard to flirt if you had had a taste of what was on offer and had then had it taken away from you. Neither wanted to disturb the sleeping monster in the corner by provoking it with an uncensored comment, so awkward silences often filled the squad room, puzzling McGee, infuriating Gibbs and producing a wonderful source of entertainment for everyone not attached to the MCRT. An abundance of bets were placed by other agents as to what was going on, along with other guessing games and gossip. Rumours sparked, although everyone was very careful to keep their rumours out of Leroy Jethro Gibbs' earshot.

* * *

Weeks past. A month. Then two. Cases came and went, tension increasing every time Tony and Ziva were partnered together. Tensions increasing every time they were partnered separately. McGee saw the silence as a gap that needed filling, so he started lecturing them more on computers and CPUs and servers. Gibbs was the only one to ever tell him to shut up, and even then, after a while he just let the younger agent talk to break the silences that emanated throughout the squad room.

"…And so that's how you defrag a hard drive." McGee said as he continued to write up the report on the last case they had worked. He was smiling, feeling that he had departed some more of his technological wisdom onto his colleagues.

"DiNozzo, David, with me. NOW!" Gibbs yelled as they both stared at him. It took a second for them to kick into action, but as soon as they realised that he had walked off they leapt up and followed him to MTAC, neither looking at the other. Five autopsy images of dead women were on the screen as they walked in.

"Who are they, Boss?" Tony asked.

"Dead marine wives." Gibbs didn't avert his eyes from the screen. "Each had been reported missing for approximately three weeks before their bodies were found. They all had their throats slit, each with a different style of knife."

"Whose case is it?" Ziva studied each of the faces carefully. Each had a certain haunting quality to it, almost like fear. Like they were still afraid, even in death.

"Ours, now."

"Why wasn't it ours before?"

"The first four were killed at San Diego Naval base. The last was killed at Norfolk. Killer's been one step ahead of us the whole time."

"So what're we gonna do about it?"

"You two are going undercover." Gibbs shrugged and their jaws both dropped. "Go down to Abby for IDs. She's already been briefed. You've got a two bedroom in base housing waiting for you."

"Two bedroom – so we don't have to share a room?" Tony looked relived.

"One of 'em's a nursery, DiNozzo."

"A nursery?!"

"All five women were pregnant."

"Wouldn't this have been something to tell us first?! Can't McGee do this?!" Tony's voice was high and screechy.

"DiNozzo, you were the two that fit the profile of the victims."

"Except that I am not pregnant!" Ziva started yelling as well.

"You propose putting a pregnant woman at risk, Ziva?"

"No, but… Why me?! Why Tony?!"

"It should only be a month, tops."

"What happens when people realise that I am not actually pregnant, Gibbs?"

"We should be done before then. Story is that you're trying for a kid." He looked between the two agents. "Here's your background, just need names so Abby can formulate IDs." He handed Ziva, the outwardly calmer of the two, a manila folder. "Watch your six, the pair of you."

 **For my reference: 18** **th** **NCIS fic.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I hate modern technology. The wifi is playing up again, so I am uploading this now and will have to apologise if regular updates are not entirely regular.**

Chapter Two

The icy silence in the car wasn't aided by the broken radio. "Y'know, I think it was unfair letting Abby chose our names. I mean, you got nice names. I am stuck with Michael Stanley. Who want's to be called Michael Stanley Bower." Tony complained as he drove.

"Evelyn Florence Bower is no better. I like Ziva."

"So do I, but Evelyn Florence is better than Michael Stanley. I mean, Michael is fine, but Stanley?"

"They are family names, Tony. We have been through this. Anyway, you only ever have to be known as Michael" She was happier in the silence. The file on their new identities lay open on her lap as she read about whom it was they were posing as for the next month. He stopped the engine and they both looked up at the quaint little bungalow with a white picket fence and a cherry blossom tree on the front lawn. Yellow and pink curtains could be seen through the windows and the blue door appeared daunting, a reminder that this was really happening.

"This is going to be hell."

"Well, the sooner we get in there, the sooner we get it over with, yes?" They looked at one another and Tony sighed.

"Here goes nothing." He pushed the car door open and fished the new house key out of his pocket. "Ready?"

"No." She shook her head. "But do it anyway." She pointed to the door and he nodded, slipping the key into the lock and letting them into the house. The rooms were furnished simply with a few photos here and there of Tony and Ziva, mostly well Photoshopped images of them at crime scenes with the NCIS logo edited out. "Abby said she had decorated the place." Tony pointed to a calendar on the wall. "Apparently we already have appointments booked at a clinic." Ziva groaned as she scanned the dates. She stuck her head into the master bedroom. "I will take the sofa if you want." She glared at the double bed, as if it was the root of all her problems.

"Ziva, we're both grownups. We can share a bed. Besides," he held up her left hand and tapped the metal band on her fourth digit, "we're supposed to be married."

"And you promise to stay purely professional?"

"Of course, Sweetcheeks." He tried to bring some of their old, usual levity into the conversation and got an elbow to the abdomen for his troubles. "Right. Got it." He grunted. It was going to be a long month.

"Abby and the director really went all out stocking the nursery." Tony said as he opened draw after draw of baby supplies. Babygrows, bottles, booties. "A kid would take nine months before any of this is needed, Gibbs said we're gonna be here for a month tops." He held up a tiny little black babygrow with 'NINJA IN TRAINING' written on the front in dark grey and smiled, trying to ignore the twinge of jealousy that came from realising he'd never be able to use the little clothing article. Even if he had a child, he would only dress it in the babygrow if the child's mother were _his_ ninja – not that he could really call Ziva his ninja anymore. They hadn't had a proper conversation since Valentines Day.

"We are still trying for a baby, Michael." She said sickly sweet and stuck her head into the pale yellow nursery. There was a crib, a changing table, a chest of drawers and a rocking chair, all decorated and stocked.

"But who knows how long it could take for you to get pregnant." He said in the same tone. "It's not like we are actually gonna have a baby." He hissed at her through gritted teeth. "Why buy all of this stuff if it's never gonna get used?"

"Abby said that it will all go to the nuns for their charity box." She shrugged just as the doorbell rang. They both froze and stared at one another before it rang again and they rushed to answer it.

"Hi, I'm Liza-Jane, this is ma' husband Bobby." A plump woman drawled and held her hand out for Ziva to shake. "We live across the street."

"I am Evelyn, this is Michael." Tony nodded hello and placed his hand on the small of Ziva's back. Although he could tell she wanted to flinch, or rip his arm off, she didn't, maintaining their cover as a married couple.

"Aww, do you have children?" The woman pointed to the babygrow that Tony had forgotten was in his hand.

"No, not yet. But we are trying, aren't we Sweetcheeks." He pressed his lips to her temple and felt her stiffen. He noticed the smile she wore became even more forced than it already was, not that their guests noticed, as she nodded.

"Aww, we've got a daughter, Annalise. She's 7." Liza-Jane grinned proudly.

"She's at school right now." Bobby said, the first words he'd uttered since they opened the door. "Private First Class Waters." He nodded.

"Private First Class Bower." Tony nodded back.

"You should come 'round for dinner tonight. I'm cookin' meatballs and pasta."

"I do not think we have anything planned." Ziva looked to Tony who shook his head. "Dinner would be lovely, thank you."

"Well, we better let you fine people get settled. We'll see you at six thirty." She beamed and turned, crossing the street and entering the house opposite.

"Sorry for making you feel uncomfortable." Tony pulled his hand away from her as soon as she closed the door.

"It is fine, you were just trying to sell our cover." She shook her head. "At least now the word is in about us trying to have a baby."

"Out. The word is out."

"Surely in would make more sense. You put a good word in about someone, yes?"

"Yes." He replied slowly.

"Then why can a word not be in?"

"Just because it can't." He shrugged. "Oh, um. About the whole idiom thing – I think it might blow our cover if you get too many idioms wrong."

"I cannot help it, Tony. It is not as if I do it on purpose."

"No, I know you don't, I just…try to use words and phrases that you know you know, ones that you are certain have been corrected." He smiled weakly as she took the babygrow out of his hand and placed it back in the drawer.

"I will try." She nodded, secretly agreeing with him. "But I do not like your insinuation that I do not know how to conduct myself undercover."

"I'm sorry about that, too."

"Stop apologising." She turned to face him and for the first time in two months he was actually smiling at her like they used to. Maybe they would manage after all.

* * *

"We need to get some sleep. We've got a busy day tomorrow." Tony watched as Ziva towelled her hair dry. They'd gotten back from dinner with Liza-Jane, Bobby and Annalise and Ziva had gone for a shower whilst Tony reviewed all of the paperwork, reports and case-files again, lying on the bed. "We're going to the clinic tomorrow. Apparently they are a fertility clinic, prenatal clinic and paediatric clinic all rolled into one." He handed her a leaflet. She flicked through it and passed it back before disappearing into the en suite once more to change into a t-shirt and jogging bottoms. Tony watched as she braided her damp hair and brushed her teeth.

"Must you keep staring?"

"I'm just observing." He shrugged. "It's to help me do my job better, help me play my role better. You know, I think I liked your sleeping attire the last time we were undercover better."

"If you think I am getting into that bed whilst you are making comments like that then think again." She snapped.

"Okay, okay…" He held his hands up in surrender and shifted across to his side. "I will be a perfect gentleman. I promise. I'll even control my hands, although I don't think I'll be able to control my imagination." He gave her a wolfish grin and she threw a pillow at his head, trying to stifle a smile. "No, honestly Ziva. I won't do anything." He turned serious. "That is unless you want me to?" He wiggled his eyebrows, the moment gone. She slipped under the covers next to him and hit the switch on the lamp, plunging the room into darkness.

"Thank you, Tony. Goodnight."

* * *

Ziva looked uncomfortable as they sat together in the small practice. The waiting room had bright, colourful walls that contrasted with the brightly coloured hard plastic chairs. Three women in varying stages of pregnancy sat in the room, along with a woman cradling a small infant in her arms and a woman with twin girls about 4 years old playing quietly on the carpet. Another couple sat across from them, looking just as nervous. "Hi, I'm Lori." A slender woman said cheerfully as she walked over from the reception desk. "I haven't seen you here before."

"We just moved here." Tony held his hand out. "I'm Michael, this is my wife Evelyn."

"Hello." Ziva nodded.

"There are two reasons why you might be here." Lori sat down next to Ziva. "Either you're pregnant or you're trying to get pregnant. Which is it?"

"The second one." Tony smiled, taking Ziva's hand.

"That explains how nervous you are. I'm two months along." She grinned. "It's so exciting." She had her dark hair in two French braids running down the back of her head and wide, eager eyes. Ziva guessed she was in her early twenties. "Do you want a boy or a girl?"

"We do not mind." Ziva looked to Tony and he shook his head.

"No, we just want a precious little baby." He smiled, the rehearsed line now flowing like truth.

"How long have you been trying?"

"A year." Ziva sighed. Lori looked sympathetically at the couple.

"I'm sorry."

"That's why we're here." Tony wrapped his arm around Ziva's shoulder and she shocked him by leaning into his touch. "There's no need to be sorry."

"It is a sign of weakness." Ziva grinned and turned her head to Tony. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"That it is, Sweetcheeks, that it is."

"Mr and Mrs Bower?" A nurse called. Tony and Ziva stood up and both smiled to Lori.

"I'll see you around." She waved, grinning.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Madsen." He shook Tony and Ziva's hands in turn. "I own the practice."

"I'm Michael, this is Evelyn." Tony said as they took the seats indicated to them.

"So, what appears to be the problem?" He smiled kindly at them.

"Well, for the past year, we have been trying to start a family and we just…" Ziva trailed off, a sad expression painted on her face.

"I understand. Today we shall just have some conversations about your lifestyle and action plans that we can consider taking, okay?" Tony and Ziva nodded, their nervousness apparently either going unnoticed or being common.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Something smells good." Tony called through as he walking into the house. "Mmm…you know what I love about you not having to work, Sweetcheeks?"

"Lori is here for dinner, Michael." Ziva poked her head out of the kitchen and sent him a warning look.

"Hi." The young woman waved and grinned.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm good, thank you. And yourself?"

"Hungry. What's for dinner?"

"Paella." Ziva laughed and returned back to her cooking.

"I'm going for a shower, I'll be ten minutes." He dropped his backpack next to the couch and headed off to the en suite. Lori sat back at the kitchen table and smiled as Ziva went back to the stove.

"I wish my Charlie was home. He was deployed a month ago." She sighed. Ziva turned around and tried as hard as she could to look sympathetic, managing quite well. It wasn't that she didn't feel for the woman, she did, she just wasn't really one for expressing that sympathy. She walked over and sat next to the woman at the table, patting her shoulder in what she hoped was a calming action. "But," Lori sniffed, "He's only gone for 6 months, so he should be back before Charlie junior's born."

"Well, that is good. I worry that if we do ever manage to get pregnant then Michael will be deployed and he will miss the birth."

"Hey, what's going on?" Tony walked through, a USMC t-shirt and jeans on, his wet hair flopping into his eyes.

"We were just talking." Ziva shrugged.

"She was comforting me, making me feel better." Lori sniffed again as he tasted the paella from the pan on the stove.

"Mmm. Beautiful, a great cook and kind." He walked over to Ziva, helped her stand up and wrapped his arms around her. "I am a very lucky man."

"Gibbs called this afternoon." She whispered into his ear before trailing kisses along his jaw and kissing him softly on the lips.

"Important?" He whispered back, pressing his lips to the top of her head as she indicated 'no'. Her hair smelt like coconut and he had trouble keeping his feelings detached. He closed his eyes and momentarily allowed himself to imagine that it was all real.

"Are you all right?" She pulled away, regretting the immediate loss of contact with him.

"It's just been a long day. I missed seeing you." He said truthfully. She just turned away, ignoring the surge of emotions she felt. It was just a case. He was saying it for display. She carried the pan with the paella in over to the dinner table as Tony placed three plates next to it.

"You two look so good together."

"What do you mean?" Ziva frowned.

"You fit, y'know. Aesthetically, as a couple, you look natural. I mean, it helps that you're both good-looking people." She grinned and Ziva blushed. Tony puffed his chest out and beamed.

"You hear that, Sweetcheeks? I'm a good-looking guy."

"Well, we all knew that, my Little Hairy Butt." She winked and Lori chuckled.

"My butt is not hairy." He defended himself.

"If that is what you have to tell yourself." Ziva shrugged, serving up the food and smiling, trying to hide how hard she was finding it to keep her emotions separate. She knew it was going to be tough, living in such close proximity to him, but it had only been two days and she was already finding it hard to control herself around him.

"Hey." He covered her tightly clenched fist with his hand, snapping her out of her thoughts. "Are _you_ okay? Hey, look at me, Evelyn. Are you all right?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes. I was just off in my own world."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Later." She flicked her eyes to Lori, who was discreetly trying not to watch.

"I can go, if you need to…"

"It is fine." Ziva turned to her fully and shook her head. "I am fine. Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, thank you." She smiled and tucked into the dinner. "Wow. You are so good at cooking!"

"See, it's not just me who thinks so, Sweetcheeks." He grinned, flinching when she kicked his shin under the table. "I was complimenting you."

"And I do not need you to compliment me. I love you without the compliments."

"You do?" He narrowed his eyes, his grin fading into just a subtle smile.

"Yes, Michael. I love you." She put emphasis on the name. Now wasn't the time to confess her love for Tony. That was something that there would never be time for.

"I love you too." He smiled softly, and although she knew he didn't mean it and it was all for the cover, it made her blush at the truth that could be heard in it. He really was a good actor, to manage to make a lie sound so truthful.

* * *

"You should come along tomorrow, you could get to know some of the other mums around here." Lori grinned as they stood on the doorstep. "I'll pick you up at ten."

"I will see you at ten then." Ziva nodded and the young woman bounced down the driveway to her car, turning and waving before climbing in and driving away.

"You think she's naturally that bouncy or if pregnancy is doing that to her?" Tony asked as he closed the door, his eyes following Ziva as she walked to the sofa and sat down.

"I would say a bit of both. She reminds me of Abby."

"Apart from the fact that I doubt Abby would ever be seen in a pink, frilly blouse"

"There is that." She looked at Tony, who was still staring at her. "Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

"Imagining you pregnant."

"DiNozzo, if I catch you imagining me pregnant one more time I will ensure that you lose all ability to have children. Is. That. Clear?"

"Crystal." He nodded, continuing to stare at her.

"DiNozzo." She threatened.

"Not imagining you pregnant."

"Then what are you doing?" She hissed.

"Imagining you with a baby." He took one look at her glare and flinched. "I'm stopping. You want to talk about what was bothering you at dinner?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Look, Ziva, I know the past couple of months have been difficult, they have been for me too, believe it or not, but you can talk to me." He joined her on the sofa.

"Tony, it is nothing. Really." She looked away. "Just leave it."

"Ziva, you are the one who is always telling me to talk about how I feel, tell people what's wrong. Why can't you do the same?"

"Because. That is not how I am built." She inhaled deeply and turned to him. "I am going to bed. Goodnight, Tony."

"I meant what I said earlier." She frowned and turned back to him, leaning against the doorframe. "You being beautiful and a good cook and kind. You are all three and more." She nodded, a slightly puzzled expression on her face. "And I am a very lucky man. I have you as a colleague and a friend." He clarified.

"And you are my friend, Tony." She said quietly before turning her back to him and readying for bed.

* * *

"You look so natural." The woman, Kathryn, said as Ziva cradled the young child in her arms.

"Didn't I tell you she would?" Lori nodded. "It's like you've always been doing it."

"I used to babysit my little sister." Ziva said quietly, never averting her gaze from the baby boy's blue eyes.

"How old is she?" Another of the mothers asked, holding a fidgeting six-month-old on her lap. Stephanie maybe. She couldn't remember all the names. The child's name was definitely Antonia. It reminded her of Tony, obviously.

"My sister died. A long time ago." Ziva shook her head, looking up and realising she was still Evelyn, not Ziva, surrounded by the mothers and mothers to be at the 'mother and baby' group Lori had brought her to.

"Oh, Evelyn. I'm so sorry." Tessa sighed, clutching her daughter closer to her body.

"I learnt to cope." She played with the small hand of Kathryn's son. "He is a beautiful baby."

"Ha, you wouldn't be saying that if you were the one being woken by him every three hours." She said, making everyone chuckle. "But you're right. He is my beautiful boy, and I wouldn't want a world without him."

"I only wish I could be as happy as you all are." Ziva said, meaning it whole heartedly. She was an officer of Mossad. She would never have a husband or children. A child would be a liability, and Mossad would not allow for that. And it would of course be Mossad who would be the ones who would have a problem with it. She was only a liaison officer. Soon enough she would be sent back home, back into her father's control. It wasn't as if she had ever planned on having a family anyway – sure, she had wanted children when she was young, but she had grown up and gone into the Israeli army, then on into Mossad, and she had realised the possibility for a family was below zero. Her life expectancy was not exactly high, and if she were to survive long enough to have a family, there was no guarantee she would ever even see her child's fifth birthday. And then of course there was her father. He would never even consider letting her have a family, and if he did, she doubted he would allow any form of love to be present in a relationship. 'Love is an emotion, Ziva, and emotions are weaknesses' her father's words echoed through her head. If her father was right then she was most definitely weak, because she loved Tony more than anything else, even if he didn't love her. And of course, she would never be able to have a family with Tony, which would mean that she would always be loving another man whilst she was hypothetically married with children. She guessed her father was right. Love was most definitely a weakness. Sammy squirmed in her arms and she blinked, forgetting momentarily about the child she was cradling. "Sorry little one, was I not paying you enough attention?" She cooed, stroking his soft tufts of hair.

"Trust me, Evelyn. You and Michael will have a child eventually, and then you will be just as happy as the rest of us." Lori placed a hand on Ziva's forearm.

"I can only hope that you are correct." She smiled and handed Sammy back to Kathryn. She had barely released the boy back into his mother's arms when a toddler came barrelling into her, pressing a sloppy kiss to her cheek. "Hello."

"Hi." The little girl giggled.

"What is your name?"

"Bet'any."

"Bethany is Carol's eldest daughter." Tessa pointed to a woman with a young child sleeping on her lap and an apologetic smile on her face. "She likes new people, don't you Sweetie?"

"I twooooo." She held up three fingers and Ziva smiled, folding down one for her.

"She still has some trouble with her numbers." Stephanie laughed.

"So you know all the mothers and children who come here?"

"Most mothers in the area do. We all rely on one another. If your washing machine breaks down, we always know that there's someone just down the street who'll let you use theirs." Stephanie said, and everyone agreed. "We're like a family here. And now you're part of it. Which means that you get to come to come and help us shop for baby things tomorrow for Annie. She had her third child yesterday."

"Thank you. I would love to." Ziva nodded, smiling as Bethany sat herself down on her lap and grinned up at her, holding the book she had clutched in one of her chubby fists out for Ziva to take.

"You read story. Pwease?"

"Of course I will." She opened the book, Peter Rabbit, and the whole room fell quiet, waiting for Ziva to start.


	4. Chapter 4

**This one seems to be a little shorter than the rest.**

Chapter Four

Arms wrapped around her waist as she washed the dishes and lips were pressed to the back of her head. She jumped from shock and turned her head to stare at Tony. "I did not hear you come in."

"Ah, I am honing my ninja skills."

"I was off in my own world."

"Yeah, I thought it was too easy."

"Why are your arms still around me?" She had twisted so her front was pressed against his.

"I'm practising for when we have company." He grinned. "And I like the distracted look you get on your face when I'm close to you."

"I do not get a distracted look on my face." She pulled out of his arms, turning away to re-compose her expression, not realising that he actually ever noticed. It wasn't as if it was all the time she was around him, just when he was really, _really_ close, like then.

"So how was shopping with Stephanie, Kathryn and Lori earlier today?" He changed the subject.

"Lori did not come with us." She frowned and turned around to face him, drying her hands.

"No? I thought you said it would be Lori, Stephanie and Kathryn?"

"I did. Stephanie got a text when I arrived at her place from Lori. She said she was ill." She bit her lip.

"You worried about her?" Tony asked as she chewed on her lip some more. "We'll go check on her, take her some chicken soup. I think I saw a can of the stuff in the cupboard." He rifled around until he found what he was looking for. "Come on. I'm sure she's fine." He took her into a hug and was mildly surprised when she didn't pull away. He guided her gently to the car and drove in silence to the address she told him. The windows to the house were black when they arrived and the air had an eerie tension to it as they stepped up to the front door and knocked, receiving no answer. Ziva peered through the window, but the room was too dark to see anything in.

"Evelyn, Michael, how are you?" Doctor Madsen said as he walked up to the porch.

"Doctor Madsen. We are well, thank you." Ziva frowned at the Doctor's appearance. "Are you here for Lori, is she alright?"

"I live down the road, I was walking past. I have not seen her today." The doctor said.

"I was supposed to meet with her this morning, but she sent a message saying she was ill. We wanted to check she was alright."

"I'm sure she is just sleeping. I'll make sure to come by and check on her in the morning." He smiled and led them down the steps, almost as if he was trying to get them away from the house. "How are you getting on around here?"

"Everyone is really welcoming." Tony smiled falsely, sensing Ziva's discomfort.

"That's good. So long as you like it here." He watched as they climbed into their car and drove away before turning back to his original path.

* * *

"I do not like the doctor." Ziva said as they lay in bed.

"Great pillow-talk Ziva." Tony muttered. "But, I agree."

"He is just a bit…"

"Creepy?"

"Yes." She nodded in the dark.

"He almost shooed us off of Lori's porch earlier. I'm gonna call Gibbs tomorrow, get him to look into the doc. Try calling Lori. If she doesn't answer tomorrow, then I'll get Gibbs to check it out." They both continued to stare into the darkness, the same way they had every night since they had been undercover. They were as far apart as they could be, as they started every night since they had been undercover. And yet the both knew that they would wake up in one another's arms the next morning the same way they had every morning since they had been undercover.

"Tony, do you want children?"

"One day, maybe, if I could find a woman who would love me back enough. Do you?"

"No."

"You don't?" He propped himself up on one elbow and looked at the shadowed contours of her face in the dark.

"Well, yes, I want children, but I would never be able to have a family, Tony." She turned her head to face him. "I do not have the capacity."

"What are you talking about?"

"I do not think I would be able to love a child as much as I lo…" She trailed off realising what she was about to say.

"As much as you love who?"

"As much as a mother should love her child." She went back to looking at the ceiling.

"No, you said, and I quote, 'as much as I love…'" He watched her, the rise and fall of her chest. "Who do you love, Ziva?" He asked softly.

"No one, DiNozzo. If you have somehow forgotten, I am an assassin. I do not fall in love. I do not know how. Surely your movies have told you that." Her voice was cold, harsh.

"Ziva. Hey, Ziva." He tilted her face towards his, keeping his thumb and forefinger on her chin to ensure she didn't turn away. The moonlight reflected off of her eyes as the clouds shifted and the light from outside shone through the sheer drapes covering the bedroom window. They looked glassy, as if she were about to cry. "You do know how to love. Everyone does." He smiled, hoping that even if she could not see it in the dark, she would be able to hear it in his voice. "You would love your child – more than anything. And whoever it is that you love, they are very lucky." He tried his best to hide the envy in his voice.

"Even if they do not know?"

"Even if they do not know. Though, I would tell the guy. Life's too short not to tell the person you love that you love them, particularly when your love is so valuable, and trust me when I say this Ziva, yours is."

"What is that supposed to mean?" She tried to understand his words and the tone of his voice together, but couldn't.

"It means that I wouldn't even know where to start in trying to earn your love." He shrugged, letting go of her chin. "Goodnight, Ziva."

"Goodnight, Tony." She murmured, still trying to work out what he meant as she drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**I quite like this chapter. I do not know why.**

Chapter Five

"Hey, Gibbs, we've got an update." Tony said into his phone as he sat in the kitchen. Ziva had gone swimming with Stephanie, Kathryn and their children, Sammy and Antonia.

 _"Go ahead."_

"We have a suspect, or at least a creep. Doctor Madsen. I've got a gut feeling about him and Ziva's sixth ninja sense is tingling."

 _"Anything concrete?"_

"Not yet, but he owns the clinic. Even if he didn't kill these women, he is a major creep boss."

 _"Anything else, DiNozzo?"_

"Yeah, boss. Ziva's spent the past few days getting close with a pregnant woman, Lori Mackay. They were supposed to be going shopping together yesterday, but she never turned up. She wasn't home last night and she didn't answer any calls that me or Ziva placed this morning. We're real worried about her, boss."

 _"I'll see what I can do to check it out."_

"Oh, and, Doctor Creep was hanging out around her place yesterday."

 _"Got it, DiNozzo. Watch your six, and keep her safe. I don't want either of you coming home in a body bag."_

"Thanks boss." Tony said, knowing Gibbs had already hung up. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. He had spent most of the night thinking about Ziva and the mystery man she loved, meaning he got very little sleep as he watched her snore. He wasn't jealous. Well, maybe he was a little jealous, but he couldn't exactly help it. She was Ziva. She was _his_ Ziva. She was _his_ ninja. And she loved another man. Another man? Well, she did have a right to. Its not like he'd ever actually told her explicitly that he loved her. To be brutally honest, he'd never really implied it either, or at least when he had she hadn't managed to understand what he was implying. Well, now his chance was gone. It isn't like she would ever have loved him any way, even if he had told her when he had the chance. He didn't deserve her love, and he never would. He would never be good enough for her. He groaned and lifted his head from where it was laying on the table. He hadn't wallowed in self-pity without alcohol in…well, in ever, really. He rubbed his face and ran his hands through his hair, hearing the key in the front door. "Hey, I'm going for a shower!" He called through and ducked into the bathroom before Ziva could catch him. He couldn't face having a conversation with her after sitting thinking about his unrequited love for her.

* * *

"Why are you avoiding me, Tony?" Ziva asked as he walked into the house.

"What do you mean? I'm not avoiding you." He shook his head and shrugged.

"Tony, you went for a shower as soon as I got home yesterday, then you went to the shop down the road to get more fruit, which we did not need, then, when we went to Liza-Jane's for dinner, you did not talk to me once."

"Ziva, I just…"

"You slept on the sofa last night. Tony, what is going on?"

"Last night, you were asleep and I didn't want to disturb you."

"Tony, you waited for me to go to sleep." She covered her face with her hand and turned away. "Look, just for the time that we are undercover can you try and keep your personal issues with me out of the way? Please?"

"What makes you think I have 'personal issues' as you so quaintly call them with you?" He questioned, confused.

"Well, ignoring me really sent the message through."

"I wasn't trying to send any message, I was just thinking." He sighed and shook his head. Ziva just turned and walked into the bedroom, not caring for his excuses. "Ziva, wait." He winced as the door slammed. He just didn't know how to talk to her. Once upon a time, before Valentine's day, they used to be good at talking, never about anything really, really meaningful, like how they felt for one another, not that she felt anything but sisterly towards him, but they would still talk. The conversation they had had about children and love was the closest they had come to what they used to have. He walked over to the bedroom door and his hand hovered to knock before it fell to the doorknob. Knocking wouldn't get him a response, she would just ignore it. He sat next to her on the bed and sighed. "I'm sorry, Ziva."

"What for."

"Ignoring you. Avoiding you. Hurting you."

"So you admit that you were in fact avoiding me and ignoring me, yes?"

"Hey, I'm not McGee. If I had written a book about you I'd tell you, just like I'm admitting that I avoided you." The comment about McGee brought a small smile to her face.

"Then why, Tony? What have I done to offend you?" She looked up at him from where she was playing with the covers of the bed.

"Nothing. You've done nothing wrong." He shook his head. "I was just…I don't know. Just…thinking, you know."

"What was so important to think about that meant you had to ignore me?" Her expression was stony, but he could hear the pain in her tone of voice.

"I was thinking about family and I was thinking about love. And jealousy." He took her hand in his. "I want to wish you and whoever it is you love every happiness." He laced his fingers in between hers and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. It was painful to say, but he hoped it would help him to start to move on from her. He couldn't spend his whole life fantasising about a life that he could never have. Well…maybe he could, but he had to have a real life too, and he couldn't stay hung up on a drunken one-night stand with a colleague. She scoffed.

"Tony, there is only one man I will ever love and he cannot return my love." She smiled sadly and ran a thumb along his cheekbone. "He does not even register my existence."

"Ziva, I don't think it's possible to not register your existence. That's like saying you can't hear Abby coming from a mile away." He chuckled and covered her hand, the one resting on his face, with his. "You talk to this guy, yes?"

"Yes, but I do not think he ever hears what I am saying."

"Well, go up to him, grab his attention by slamming him into a wall or something, and just tell him how you feel." Tony shrugged. Why was he giving her advise on how to tell another man that she loves him? Because he's a good friend.

"Why do you never look at me, Tony?" She dropped her hand and her gaze.

"I always look at you, Ziva."

"No. Not since the first day we met. Then you leered at me, but now you do not. Why?"

"Because you're too good for that." He shrugged. "You deserve more than just a leer."

"You always look, yet you never see." She turned her head away, watching his face in the reflection of the mirror.

"Ziva, you are the only one that I ever see. I see you in cherry blossom trees and rivers and fast cars and really bad driving. I see you every time I close my eyes and I see you every time I fall asleep." He scoffed and shook his head. Now he confessed his love. Now, when he had already decided it was too late. He shivered, realising it was dark outside and cold. "Do you want me to turn the heating on?"

"No." She caught his arm just as he climbed off the bed. "Stay here."

"I was just going to get some more blankets. It's cold in here."

"No." She tugged his arm gently and pulled him back towards the pillows, wrapping her arms around him and lying her head on his chest. "I see you too, Tony." She whispered and he grinned. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he wasn't too late. Maybe, just maybe, this was the beginning.


	6. Chapter 6

**It is not writers block with which I am suffering - more like creative stifling. I am** **struggling to write the next chapter of It Takes Two, the words just will not come, and I started another one-shot that is very bitty and I do not think it will work.**

 **This one is a little more…I think this chapter was the reason for which I put the rating at T. Just saying as fair warning.**

Chapter Six

"Hey!" Abby flung her arms around Ziva's neck as the door to the bungalow was opened.

"Abby, come in quietly, or you will attract the attention of the neighbours. The woman across the street is very toes-y."

"Nosy."

"That too." Ziva closed the door behind them and ushered Abby through to the kitchen.

"So, I've brought an update." Abby grinned. She liked the idea of being on official business.

"Fire away." Tony nodded, placing two cups of coffee next to the Caf-Pow! Abby had brought with her.

"Okay, so, Gibbs and McGee have looked into the doctor's background. He brought the clinic about four months ago. Before that there wasn't any trace of him within the state or in California, but there was a doctor Maddock in San Diego who left five months ago without leaving any trace."

"When the last victim was found in San Diego, and just before the first victim was found here."

"Precisely. Gibbs doesn't want to alert him to the fact that there is an investigation going on at all, given the fact that he fled as soon as someone started to piece together the MO before, so there's not going to be any official investigation going into Lori's disappearance at the moment."

"What?" Ziva stared, shocked.

"Official, I said." Abby shrugged. "Two other agents went to her house yesterday to check it out, undercover as plumbers. Found signs of a struggle. No trace of the doctor though."

"Thanks, Abs." Tony smiled. "Stay for lunch. It will make your cover of being my sister more believable."

"You really think people will believe that we are related?" Abby laughed.

"Well, you look more like me than you do Ziva."

* * *

"Lets go to dinner tonight. Just you and me." Tony wrapped his arms around Ziva's waist as she walked past and pulled her down onto his lap. "We'll go far away, so no-one recognises us, and we can be us again for one night. What do you say?"

"I say that I would love to. But we cannot." She sighed, shifting from his lap to sit next to him on the sofa. "We are working, Tony."

"Alright, when this is all over then. You have to promise me that we will go to dinner as Tony and Ziva." He brushed strands of her hair away from her face so he could see her eyes. He still wasn't sure how she felt about him. After their conversation three days previously, she didn't flinch when he would hold her hand or kiss her in public – all for show, of course – and she even initiated hugs, putting her arms around his waist or neck from time to time. Even when they were 'home', alone, she often would not pull away from his grasp. But she would shut down any conversation as soon as it veered near to the subject of love and feelings.

"Okay." She nodded, looking at him. He held out his pinkie finger and grinned.

"You wrap yours around it. It means it's an unbreakable promise."

"Why?"

"Because I want to go to dinner with you."

"No, I understand that, but why does wrapping fingers make a promise unbreakable?"

"Uh…because it does." He said, exasperated. "I need you to promise."

"I promise, Tony." She pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Is that good enough for you?"

"I would say so, yeah." He grinned. "That is definitely better than a pinkie promise. Ziva…"

"What?" She asked when he paused.

"No, it's nothing…stupid, really." He shook his head.

"Tell me." She said gently, frown lines creasing her forehead slightly.

"Could you ever imagine loving someone like me?"

"No." She stood up and smiled down at him. "I do not need to imagine. I'm going for a shower." She turned and walked away from a silent DiNozzo. It took a moment for her words to sink in, but as soon as they did he leapt up and followed her to the bathroom. He knocked on the door and opened it slightly. The glass door to the shower was steamed up as the hot water ran.

"Mind if I join you?"

"I would say I do, but I cannot think of a reason to tell you to go away." He could hear the smile in her voice. He grinned, pulling his t-shirt off and letting his jeans fall to the floor. He stepped into the shower and grinned at the golden tone of her damp skin. He placed his hands on her hips, peppering light kisses along her shoulders. He rested his forehead on the back of her neck, gently placing tender kisses to her spine.

"I have wanted to do that since the day I met you, Zee-Vah." He breathed. She twisted to face him.

"Really?"

"Ziva, Ziva, Ziva…I wish you could see yourself from my point of view." He cupped her face in his hand. "You are perfect. Don't you realise that?" She shook her head and he sighed. "You are. You are beautiful and perfect."

"You are not lying." She stated, confused. "It is not the truth yet you are not lying." Her hands traced his features as the water poured over them. She felt every curve and ridge of his features, trying to find one line, one crease that would tell her he was lying.

"Ziva, I am telling the truth. I promise you." He pressed a kiss to her check. A faint smile tinted her lips as the corners turned up slightly.

"Thank you, Tony." Her lips were soft against his and he couldn't help the ecstatic feeling that rose within him as he trailed his hands down to caress the small of her back. "Wait. Stop." Of course it was to good to be true. "Tony, we are undercover. We cannot do this."

"Why not?"

"Because I am not Ziva and you are not Tony. If we are to ever do this it would have to be when we are us." She couldn't look at his face, only at her hand as it sat over his heart, trembling slightly.

"Right now I am definitely Tony and you are definitely Ziva. What's the problem?"

"The problem is that we would start to get our real lives tangled with our covers. We cannot do that." She'd seen it happen. She'd seen the aftermath of it. She'd seen whole missions go wrong because of it.

"So we'll be careful." He shrugged, he could not see the problem.

"We are a couple trying for a child, Tony."

"Yeah."

"And so I do not have any protection with me. Do you?"

"Er…" He thought, trying to remember if he had put any in his backpack. "No. Wait…no." He shook his head. "But we can go to the pharmacy down the road."

"Tony, they know we are trying for a baby. Everyone here does." Ziva sighed and bit her lip. "I am sorry."

"No, you're right." He shrugged. "Come on, turn around. I'll wash your hair for you."

"Tony, I can wash my own hair."

"I want to prove to you that I do not just want sex." He kissed her forehead and turned her around.

"Thank you, Tony." She reached to take his hand and squeezed it gently, entwining her fingers with his and smiling when he squeezed back.

 **I am so cruel, am I not? Poor Tony and Ziva. I promise it will get better.**


	7. Chapter 7

**How are you all today? Excited about this next chapter? Yes, me too. There are benefits to having things already written out and completed. Fast uploads.**

Chapter Seven

"Hey, honey!" Liza-Jane climbed out of the car with Annalise and waved to Ziva. The Israeli forced a smile on her face and waved back. "How are you?"

"I am fine."

"Uh oh. I've heard that before. Annalise honey, go into the garden and play whilst I talk to Evelyn." She shooed her daughter through the gate before crossing the street. "What's wrong, honey?"

"Nothing." Ziva sighed, groaning internally. She wanted the assignment to be over. She wanted to be back as Ziva. She wanted Tony to be Tony. She was tired of pretending. And she was worried: worried that when they returned to reality, Tony wouldn't want her like he wanted her now. She had had to stop him again that morning before they got too carried away, something that she found difficult herself.

"Evelyn, you have a look on your face that tells me it ain't nothing that's bothering you. That's a look of disappointment in your eyes." She placed her hands on Ziva's shoulder. "Now tell me what's wrong. Are you and Michael still having problems conceiving?" She just nodded. She really did hate telling lies. Ironic for an spy trained in assassination and undercover work. Her life was built lie upon lie. Her whole childhood. And now she was lying to innocent people who, even if slightly irritating at times, really just wanted to help her. "Come on, I'll make a pot of coffee." She took her arm and they walked to the house with the child laughing happily in the garden. Liza-Jane brought two cups off coffee out to the back deck where Ziva had sat down in the sun. "Warm out." She sat next to her and smiled.

"Yes." Ziva nodded, watching as Annalise chased bubbles around the garden, happily off in a land of fairies and pixies.

"I noticed you had a visitor the other day. Peculiar looking girl." She changed the subject. "I saw her at your house before you arrived too."

"Abby. Michael's sister. She is…different." Ziva chuckled. "She decorated the place for us. We wanted to be able to move into a place that was all ready for us, what with everything else going on."

"Of course." Liza-Jane nodded. "She was with another woman when she was decorating. Red-head."

"She is a good friend of mine. She works with Abby." Ziva smiled. There was something to be said for neighbours who noticed everything. A sense of security, the knowledge that someone was looking out for you.

"Oh, I heard about Lori. You two were getting close, weren't you." She lowered her tone of voice.

"Yeah. Suddenly she just vanishes." It had been a week since Ziva last saw Lori at the mother and child group. Gibbs had found nothing to point to where she had been taken, nor anything on the doctor. "I'm worried about her. What if something is wrong?"

"All we can hope is that she has just run off somewhere. She always was a bit of a wild child. She grew up on the base, I remember – she was a few years younger than me of course – but I remember her being quite energetic. She used to run away a lot, get into a lot of trouble."

"She seemed so sweet." Ziva traced her nail along the natural grooves of the wood grain.

"Oh, she was. She was so…"

"Bouncy." Ziva nodded.

"Naïve. She would talk to anyone if they were nice to her. She was always a bit of an outcast at school because she was so energetic. You know, she was like a little puppy."

"Well, there you are." Tony leaned over the gate to the back garden.

"Michael, how are you!"

"Better now I've seen you lovely ladies." He winked.

"How long have you been standing there?" Ziva asked Tony as he slid the bolt across and walked into the garden to hug her.

"I was worried when you weren't at home. I thought you said you would just be doing housework today, and there wasn't a note. I was there long enough." He murmured into her hair as she wrapped her arms around him. "I missed you today."

"I know. I missed you too." She rested her head on his chest.

"You ok?"

"Mmhm." She nodded, hugging him tighter when he went to let go of her.

"Do you want to go home?" She nodded again and he smiled to Liza-Jane. "I'm gonna take her home. I think she's tired. Thank you."

"Any time, hon, any time." She smiled sympathetically and waved.

* * *

"There is going to be a memorial service thing tonight for Lori."

"Ar surrourse wier garrong." Tony stood in his boxer shorts, toothbrush in mouth.

"I am sorry, I do not speak toothbrush." Ziva was sat cross-legged on the bed.

"I suppose we're going." He smiled gently after spitting out the toothpaste.

"Yes. She was briefly a friend." She breathed deeply for a moment.

"Hey. She's still your friend. In here." He tapped her chest above her heart.

"Thank you, Tony." She leaned over and kissed him softly. "I think everyone thinks that she might come home if she sees that we all miss her. We are the only ones who know she will be dead soon, if not already."

"She's not dead yet. He left it three weeks before killing each them. She still has time, Gibbs still might find her." He wasn't certain that giving her false hope would help her in the long run, but it might keep their cover intact, which would give every expectant mother on the base a better chance of surviving. "What do you want to do today, I have a day off."

"I said I would help set up for tonight. Do you want to help?"

"Yeah, I'll help." He pressed his lips to hers again. "I really want this to be over."

"Trust me. I do too." She mumbled, groaning when the phone rang. "See, even the phone is reminding us now."

* * *

"It's beautiful." Tony murmured as they gathered by the lake. Everyone had made small biodegradable paper boats that each had a tea light glowing in them as they floated across the still water. Each boat had been sent off with silent prayer for her safety. Every person in the noiseless crowd held a small candle and a white rose. They had been her favourite flower. Even the young children that were held in their parents' arms stayed quiet, as if they knew that it was a moment of remembrance. Ziva leaned into Tony's side and he wrapped an arm around her. She let a tear slip from her eye, knowing that even with Tony's false reassurances, Lori was suffering terribly and never coming back. She smiled through her silent tears as Tony buried his face into her hair and she shifted further into his warmth.


	8. Chapter 8

**I am exhausted.**

Chapter Eight

"I am going for a run." Ziva laced her shoe up.

"Okay. Watch your six." Tony said, looking up from the file he was reviewing on the doctor that McGee had emailed over. Nothing had happened since the memorial service. The case hadn't developed any further.

"I always do." She nodded. Not that she was going to admit it but she was worried. Today was three weeks since Lori had disappeared and according to the pattern today would be the day they found her body. She took the same route she had since they had been living on the base, living as Evelyn and Michael. She nodded and waved to people as they started with their morning routines. She stopped when she saw the blue lights, the MCRT van, the ME van gathered by the lake that they had held the memorial. She noticed Gibbs and jogged over to the police tape.

"Ma'am could you step back please." A cop said, pulling her gently back.

"Please, my friend Lori, she went missing a few weeks ago." Ziva's worry was real; although she did dress it up a bit. "She was pregnant. Please, tell me it is not her."

"I can't divulge any information, Ma'am. Did you report your friend missing?"

"Yes, but the police said there was nothing they could do." It wasn't a lie. They had reported it to Gibbs. She used the line she had heard victims' families say frequently.

"What's the problem here?" Gibbs walked over, talking to the LEO.

"This woman said her friend went missing a few weeks ago."

"Special Agent Gibbs. What's your name?" Gibbs asked in his usual witness-interview voice.

"Evelyn Bower. My friend Lori went missing three weeks ago, she is three months pregnant."

"This Lori?" Gibbs held a photo out and Ziva nodded, letting tears spill down her cheeks. The tears were real. "I'm sorry, Mrs Bower. You'll need to give a statement. I can send an agent to drive you home, you can give it then."

"Thank you, agent Gibbs." She nodded.

"Hey, McGee! Drive Mrs Bower home and take her witness statement." Gibbs pointed to her and McGee walked over, smiling softly.

"Did you know the victim, Ma'am?" He guided her towards the car, keeping her cover until they climbed in.

"She had become a friend in the time we have been here McGee." Ziva said as they drove back to the house. She furiously wiped away the tears falling down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Ziva."

"Yes. I know." She sighed as they pulled up outside the bungalow that for the past month she and Tony had called home. She led her up the front drive and into the house.

"Hey, Sweetcheeks, you're back early, I…" Tony stopped as Ziva and McGee stood in the living room. "What happened?"

"They have found Lori." She walked into his outstretched arms and buried her face into his t-shirt.

"I'm sorry, Baby."

"Er. I just need to take Mrs Bower's witness statement." McGee said, watching his colleagues embrace.

"McGee, we're not being observed. You can call us by our real names." Tony hissed quietly.

"Right. But you two are hugging."

"McGee, her friend was just killed." Tony glared at him.

"Right. Yes. Um. Statement. Yes. Right." He bumbled about, beginning to feel unnerved by Tony and Ziva's embrace. It was more than just friendship. "You two didn't…"

"Did not what, McGee?" Ziva whirled on him, shrugging off Tony's restraining grasp.

"Er…sleep together?"

"No, McGee. No, we did not sleep together whilst on assignment. Is that all?!"

"Ziva." Tony placed his hand on her shoulder and she turned to face him. "Come here." She walked back into his arms and began sobbing. McGee decided he definitely preferred the hugging to the sobbing. Ziva was strong, she shouldn't cry. "Hush, hush…" He watched as Tony rubbed circles on her back in an effort to soothe her.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." McGee said when she had calmed down. "Are you ready to make your statement?"

"Yes, McGee." She breathed and all three of them walked into the kitchen.

"Okay, I just want to go over some of the…"

"McGee, I know how this works. I have conducted interviews such as this before." She smiled at him, trying to put him at ease after her outburst. "I am sorry, for shouting."

"Apologies are a sign of weakness, Ziva. There's no need."

* * *

The sheets were cold and empty when he woke up. The sky outside the bedroom was still dark. He slipped out of bed and peered into each room, stopping at the nursery and watching her rock slowly backwards and forwards on the rocking chair. "Hey." His voice was soft. She turned to him, tearstains running down her cheeks.

"I really liked her."

"I know you did." He walked over and took her hand. She stayed silent for a while, fiddling with a little anchor pattern newborn babygrow that was on her knee. "It's so small." Tony crouched in front of her, covering the hand with the soft fabric in it with his.

"How do people even think about bringing children into such a horrible world?" Her quiet voice was broken and cracked and barely above a whisper.

"I really don't know." He shook his head and brushed the fresh tears falling from her eyes away. "Hope, maybe. They hope that their children will have better childhoods than they had, that the world will improve for them."

"But it never does."

"But one day it might." He smiled softly at her, tucking strands of her hair behind her ear.

"Do you really believe that Tony?"

"No. I don't. But I can still have hope. I still hope that one day my children will be able to never have this fear, or that their children don't." He took the babygrow out of her clasp and placed it back in the draw that she had gotten it from before taking her hands and guiding her gently back to their bedroom. "Change is gradual. It takes time." He let go of her hands so he could pull the covers back for her.

"But every day the world seems to be getting worse." She stood in the middle of the bedroom, a desolate look on her face as salty tears dribbled down her cheeks and she trembled, trying desperately not to cry. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her as tightly as he could, pulling her head into his chest.

"This assignment's hard on you, isn't it? I'll contact Gibbs today and tell him to find another way to get this guy."

"No, Tony, we can't do that." She shook her head and pulled away, swiping at her wet cheeks.

"Ziva, I can't stand to see you hurting like this." He tilted her chin up so her eyes met his.

"Tony, I hurt because I feel guilty."

"You have nothing to feel guilty about." He shook his head and sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling her onto his lap and wrapping his arms around her.

"I do. The only reason it was Lori taken and not me is because she was pregnant and I am not. I fit the profile more than her. He does not care that we are 'trying'. He is only killing pregnant women, Tony."

"I know, but it is not your fault." He rubbed circles on her back to try and soothe her crying. "You can't feel guilty about that, Ziva."

"But I can feel guilty about wanting something that I cannot have." She said quietly.

"What is it that you want? I'll do anything I can to get it for you." He was serious. He would do anything for her, even if she didn't know it.

"That is the problem, Tony. You cannot."

"Well, tell me what it is that you want and we shall see." He frowned, uncertain what is was that she was so adamant he couldn't get her.

"I want what Evelyn and Michael would be having. I want to have what Lori had, should have had."

"You want a baby." He nodded and pulled her closer to him. "Ziva, you're still young. You still have time to fall in love and get married and have children. Trust me on this." He let her rest her head on his shoulder as she cried, shifting her back so they were lying on the bed.

"I have already fallen in love, Tony." She whispered. He watched as her breathing slowed and she drifted back off to sleep, entwined in his arms. A smile graced his lips as he twirled a lock of her dark hair between his fingers.

* * *

"Good morning, Sweetcheeks." Tony scattered light kisses along Ziva's jawline as she rolled over in his arms.

"Good morning to you too." She smiled, and then recalled the previous days events. "Lori."

"I'm sorry."

"She was so young, she had so much to look forward to. She was going to have a family."

"I know, Sweetheart." He brushed her tears away. She touched her lips to his, reaching her hand up and tangling it in his hair. "Ziva." He gasped as their lips broke apart. "Ziva. We've…talked…about this." She ignored him, pulling her night-shirt over her head. "Ziva. Stop." He caught her wrists. "Stop. We will blow our cover."

"I do not care, Tony. I do not care any more. I do not care. I just want this to be over." She shuddered with tears and collapsed into his body.

"I know, love. I know. It will be soon enough." He held her close, wrapped his arms around her and pressed kisses to the soft exposed skin of her shoulder. There was a hard rap on the door, making them both jump and exchange glances. "I'll go." Tony stood, placing a final kiss to her nose before leaving. He looked through the peephole at the angry face then flung the door open.

"Gonna invite me in or just stand there?"

"What…what are you doing here?" Tony backed away letting the door close behind their guest.

"Who is it?" Ziva padded through and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, looking over his shoulder and finally seeing who their visitor was. "Gibbs! I was just…uh…keeping up my cover."

"We got him."

"The doctor?"

"Yeah. He scrubbed her down before he dumped her, but she fought back hard. Ducky found his DNA under her fingernails. Found matching scratches all down his body." He looked to Ziva and sighed. "I'm sorry. That was callous."

"It is fine." She shook her head, standing alone. "I am fine."

"You can come home now."

"Thank you, Gibbs." Tony nodded then looked to Ziva. She had moved further away from the men and was staring into space. "Why'd he do it boss?"

"Don't know, DiNozzo. When I left Ducky was still talking to the doctors. Kept talking about his duty to the mothers and keeping them safe. This was a tough case for both of you. Take her home, DiNozzo. Take the weekend off. Get used to your strange form of reality. Adjust to life together."

"Er, Boss?"

"DiNozzo, it's obvious. Just keep it out of the office."

"It is? Right, boss." Had Gibbs just given him and Ziva permission? To break the big rule 12? No, he couldn't have. But the expression on his face said otherwise. Maybe he was getting soft in his old age? Ha, yeah right – he'd believe it when he saw it.

"There will be a funeral?" Ziva looked to Gibbs.

"Yeah. Next week." He nodded. "Good job. Both of you."

 **I know I finished the case off really quickly, but I was still considerably grumpy throughout writing most of this, and I was getting even more grumpy after two days of very poor sleep, and I have never been overly good at writing interrogation scenes, and so I thought 'Why put in a poorly written interview and ruin the rest of it, when I could just leave it to your imagination?' So I leave it up to you to decide what happened in that interrogation room. Also, everything now fits neatly into ten chapters, which would be disrupted if I put an interrogation in, and my slight OCD likes the neatness of having a story ending at ten chapters. Ten is a nice number.**


	9. Chapter 9

**We are nearing the end of our epic adventure together. I know, devastating. Let us have a moment of reflection to think back on all of our trials and tribulations over the past week.**

 **Okay, enough reflecting - let us get on with the show.**

Chapter Nine

Her hair was down. She wore a simple black cotton dress. It looked old, well worn yet cared for, possibly hand stitched. He watched as she laid a single white rose on the ground in front of the headstone. He gave her space as she read and reread the lettering on the granite, as she told Lori about who they really were, how sorry she was. They had purposefully missed the actual service. She hadn't wanted to have to explain all the lies to everyone. She hadn't wanted to explain why they had just vanished off of the face of the earth. She stood and walked over to him, taking his hand and looking one last time at the grave. "Can we go, please?" Her voice was quite and he nodded, directing her towards the car. They sat in a comfortable silence all the way to the navy yard. Stayed silent as they sat in the car, not moving, just thinking. "I see every one of their faces." She broke the quiet. "I would go home after every mission at Mossad and cry, because the victims faces would get to me so much. I hoped that over time they would fade, I would be able to block them out, but I never could. I remember the face of every victim whose case I worked, every person I killed, every mother and father and brother and sister and child left behind. I see them every time I close my eyes."

"I used to fear that the pain I felt for the victims would fade. I used to fear that it would just become a routine, I would stop caring." Tony reached across and entwined his fingers with hers.

"You could never stop caring, Tony. You care so much. Even if the amount you cared did slowly fade away, you care so much that you would never be left with no caring. Does that make sense?"

"Er…not really, but I think I got the gist." He smiled. "You ready?"

"Five more minutes?" She bit her lip and he chuckled.

"You can have all the time in the world if you want."

* * *

"Tonyyyyyyyy!" Abby ran at top speed into his arms as soon as the elevator door opened. He picked her up and spun her round before placing her back down and pulling Ziva into his side.

"How's it been without us?"

"Quiet." She hugged Ziva. "I'm sorry."

"Me too, Abby." She clung onto Abby's warm friendliness. "Me too."

"I like the dress." She took a step back and looked at Ziva's black funeral attire.

"My mother made it for Tali's funeral. It was the last dress she ever made." Ziva said quietly and Abby's face fell.

"Oh, Ziva. I'm so sorry, I just…"

"Abby, it is fine." She halted Abby's sympathy. Abby just nodded and joined them in walking to their desks. They each placed their bags down and Ziva walked over to Gibbs desk. She carefully removed the small black box from her dress pocket. She opened it and looked at the rings one last time before snapping the lid shut and setting it down on the surface between her and Gibbs. "Thank you." She whispered so only he could hear.

"You're welcome." He smiled and slipped the ring box into his pocket. He caught her hand as she turned to leave back to her workspace. "Be happy, Ziva. Love him." He nodded to Tony, who was talking to Abby and McGee.

"I already do, Gibbs." She smiled and shook her head.

"I know you do." He watched as she walked over to Tony and rested her head on his shoulder. "Hey! DiNozzo!"

"Yeah, Boss?" Tony looked up from her face and smiled innocently.

"I told you to keep it out of the office!" He hid a smile as his senior field agent deliberated between following orders and keeping his arm around Ziva.

"You gonna fire me if I don't?" Gibbs just chuckled.

"What would you say if I said I would?"

"I'd say I think you're lying." Tony grinned and Gibbs sighed, shaking his head.

"Just…keep some professionalism then. And if I do see a decrease in work completed, I will transfer you. Understood?"

"Yes boss." They both mock saluted, running back to their separate desks when a scrunched up ball of paper was aimed at their heads. But Gibbs didn't have anything to worry about. More work was done than ever before that day – they didn't spend half their time competitively flirting with each other. They did of course still flirt, but they continued to work whilst doing so, not having their concentration completely on the other at all times. He guessed they didn't need to any more. They both had what they wanted and they didn't need to spend time longing for the other and working to get them. Yes, he did catch them sharing a moment of silence, just looking across the squad room at one another, but he let them have it. He had never seen appeasement as a decent tactic, but for once maybe he was wrong.

* * *

"Tony, what would you say if I said I was pregnant?" Ziva asked as they lay entwined on her sofa together, studying one another's faces.

"I would say that I know it isn't mine because we have not made love yet." He grinned.

"No, but hypothetically."

"I don't know. Why do you ask?" He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Because I do not want you to hurt me, Tony."

"Ziva, I could never intentionally hurt you. Do you understand. I love you. I love you like Gibbs loved Shannon. I love you more than that. I would and will do anything for you. I want you to be happy. I would go to the ends of the universe for you."

"I thought the expression was the ends of the world?" She narrowed her eyes.

"Well, the universe is a bigger place. I'd do anything for you, Ziva David." He pressed his lips to hers and felt her smiled. "Just out of curiosity, why are you making me wait to make love to you? What are you waiting for?"

"Marriage." She dead-panned and watched his expression closely. "I am joking, Tony." She laughed. "I do not know why I am making you wait."

"Ziva, if marriage is what you want I will give it to you. If a child is what you want I will give it to you, although you would need to work out what it is you are waiting for first. If a house it what you want I will give it to you. I'll try and conquer countries for you if that is what you want, I'll trek through the Amazon rainforest for you, I'll sail across the Atlantic Ocean for you. I'll move to Tel Aviv, or Paris or Florence or London or Lisbon or Prague for you. I will follow you wherever you want to go. I will move mountains for you – metaphorically, of course. I want to grow old and die with you." He brushed the tears gently away from her eyes.

"I think that is what I was waiting for." She smiled.

"Oh, so all I had to really had to do was plan our funerals." He said sarcastically and she laughed, knowing he knew that she meant the whole speech.

"But Tony?"

"Yes, my love?"

"I was always more partial to Rome than Florence."

 **One more day, one more chapter, and then we shall be finished. Just hang in there.**


	10. Epilogue

**Because, really, could things ever go smoothly with Tony and Ziva?**

Epilogue

"Is it a boy?!" Abby jumped up and squealed as she ran over to Tony, who entered the waiting room looking a little more than exhausted.

"I don't know yet Abby. She kicked me out. Blamed me for getting her pregnant. I mean really! It was a joint effort!" His shoulder's slumped and he leaned against the wall.

"DiNozzo, you really think arguing with your wife right now is a wise idea? Do I have to mention the words 'assassin' and 'labour' again?"

"No, Boss." He sighed. "Boss, do you think it will be safe to continue living with her?"

"DiNozzo, we were worrying about that when you came back from your honey moon and announced that she was pregnant. You've survived for nine months of hormones, you'll survive the aftermath." Gibbs patted his senior field agent's shoulder. "Trust me, I've been there DiNozzo."

"No offence, Boss, but Shannon wasn't a trained assassin." Tony winced as he heard a very loud Hebrew curse

"You know what she just said?" McGee asked.

"No, but I can guarantee that it wasn't very ladylike."

"Tony DiNozzo, I have a whole pot of paperclips at home! You get your hairy butt in here this instant!"

"Hey, how long d'ya think it'll take me to reach the Canadian border if I leave now and run really fast?" He asked as his family pushed him back the way he had come from. Ducky came from the direction Tony was forced down and he looked back, worriedly.

"That lad's brave going back in there." He looked to the others.

"How's it going, Duck?"

"Well, I spoke to one of the doctors. It might take some time."

"How much time?"

"Enough time for a cup of tea. Jethro?"

"I'm gonna go for coffee." They heard a loud clatter and Abby, McGee and Palmer looked to one another.

"We'll join you!"

* * *

"Hey." Tony whispered, poking his head back into the waiting room. Abby had fallen asleep, her head in McGee's lap. Even with the eight Caf-Pow!s she'd consumed, the energy spent bouncing around all day had won out, and she was snoring gently. McGee himself looked rather uncomfortable. "Probie, what's the problem?"

"I need the toilet but Abby's asleep." He whined and Tony sighed. Palmer was reading a pamphlet about the side-effects of caffeine and glancing to Gibbs and Abby every so often. Ducky had somehow managed to convince Gibbs to play chess, something that the agent appeared to be getting very bored of. The director looked up from where she was reading Deep Six. Nobody had told her it was about all of them. Or that it was written by McGee. If she realised then there would probably be repercussions that even Gibbs didn't want to have to deal with.

"Look, you've all been jumping up and down to see me every time I enter this waiting room for the past seven hours, and now when I really think you should be jumping up and down, you're all too busy!" He hissed at them. They all snapped their heads towards him at that, except Abby who if anything appeared to go into a deeper sleep. "Abby won't want to miss this. McAlarmclock, wake her up." Tim cringed at the thought of waking her up. Gibbs just sighed and shook his head, walking over and whispering in her ear.

"Your mass-spectrometer's beeping."

"My baby!" She sat bolt upright and frowned at her surroundings. "Not nice, Gibbs. Not nice."

"Hey, okay, we're all awake? We're all ready? Good, lets…"

"Tony, I really need to pee. Could you just hold on one second?!" McGee whimpered and Tony sighed.

"Does anyone else need the toilet?" Abby thought about it for a moment and shrugged.

"It can't hurt to go now." She said and Palmer nodded in agreement as they followed McGee to the bathrooms.

"Whilst they're going to the toilet, do you mind if I finish my chapter?" Jenny asked.

"What chapter are you on?"

"Seven."

"No. You cannot finish your chapter." Tony said, clenching his fists to control his anger. "No, you cannot take your next move in your chess game and you will stop right there Leroy Jethro Gibbs! You can go for the next half an our without coffee!" Tony pointed at him.

"The soap smells like raspberries!" Abby ran back from the bathroom grinning, McGee and Palmer trailing close behind.

"Oh, lovely!" Jenny smiled as she smelt Abby's outstretched hands. "You know, I've been looking everywhere for some soap for the…" But she didn't finish her sentence.

"Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up!" Everyone stared at Tony. He took a breath and closed his eyes. "I do not care about soap or the bathroom or your book or coffee or chess. I do not want to hear about any of that for the next hour. Is that understood?" He spoke calmly and quietly. "Now, who want's to come and meet my daughter?"

* * *

"Oh, she's gorgeous!" Abby cooed at the tiny bundle of pink in Ziva's arms. Ziva just continued to stare at her daughter's blue eyes, not believing that it wasn't all a dream, that she would blink and she would be back in the squad room, stuck at her desk with no husband and no child. Because this was her dream. A perfect husband, a perfect child, a perfect job and a perfect family. She had everything she wanted. A loving father, a baby girl, a big-ish house (with a pool – Tony's condition, not hers) and garden, a brother and sister, and friends.

"Gibbs – would you like to hold your granddaughter?"

"I'm too young to be a grandfather." He said, but smiled and nodded. He had said it at their wedding. He had said it when they announced the pregnancy. He had said it every day since. And yet he was her father and he was proud of her, oh so proud of her. And DiNozzo too, not that he'd ever admit it. He cradled the wriggling pink blanket in his arms and smiled. She was lively and strong, just like all of his children. She somehow managed to pull an arm out of the blanket she was swaddled in, revealing the black sleeve of a baby grow. Gibbs raised his eyebrows and everyone turned to glare at Abby.

"What? I haven't even given my gift too them yet!" She pouted.

"Ah, no, the, er, babygrow was me." Tony put his hand up.

"You?" Ziva glared at him.

"Er, yeah. Just look at the front of it." He said meekly. Ziva held her arms out to Gibbs and he placed the child in them, wondering for his senior field agent's sanity. And then Ziva laughed.

"When? How?" Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"Well, when I was helping Abby take the babygrows and furniture and bottles and things to the nuns after we were undercover, I just couldn't imagine seeing anyone else's child in it. I mean, I just couldn't let someone else have this. And even though this was before the whole loving you to the end of the universe conversation and I still wasn't entirely certain that you loved me as much as I loved you but I still thought, you know, if it doesn't work out between us I'll still give it to your first child, be cool uncle Tony." He blushed. Gibbs leaned over to see what was written on the babygrow. 'NINJA IN TRAINING'. He smiled and shook his head. "You're okay with it?"

"I love it, Tony." She kissed him, laughing as the child in her arm squirmed.

"I'm sorry, precious, were we ignoring you?" He picked her up. "You're Daddy's little princess, aren't you?"

"Tony, just be careful with her." Ziva cringed as he started bouncing her around. She had worried about Abby holding her baby, but she thought Tony might have been slightly more responsible with his own child. "Tony, please."

"Ziva, she's fine." He started pulling faces at the infant. "Shall we let Grandma Jenny hold you?"

"Hold on! Why am I Grandma Jenny?! If Jethro isn't old enough to be a grandfather, then I am definitely not old enough to be a grandmother!"

"Jen, we want her to have a grandmother." Ziva looked hopefully at her and she caved.

"I'm honoured that you chose me, but is there any way we could just not call me Grandma Jenny?" Tony and Ziva looked at one another then back to her.

"No." They said in unison.

"Hey, good job Tony." McGee went to shake Tony's hand, surprised when he was engulfed in a hug.

"Thanks Tim. You're a good brother. Oh, and when you and Aunty Abby are babysitting you're in charge of making sure that my baby doesn't end up with black dyed hair and tattoos and Abby stuff. Got it?"

"Who said anything about babysitting?"

"Well, we wouldn't have made you Uncle Probie if we didn't expect you to babysit."

"Uncle Probie?" Tim grinned and puffed his chest out, proud to be part of their family.

"Yes, McGee. Of course. You are our brother like Abby is our sister. We are family, Tim." Ziva smiled softly and nodded to him.

"So if I'm Aunty Abby, McGee is uncle Probie, the Director is Grandma Jenny and Gibbs is Grandpa Gibbs, what does that make Ducky?"

"Well, you can have more than one grandpa." Tony shrugged. "How does Grandpa Ducky sound, Duckman?"

"It would be the highest of honours, my dear children." He beamed.

"Which just leaves…Uncle Black-Lung? Uncle Autopsy-Gremlin? No, I'm only kidding. Uncle Jimmy." He patted Jimmy's back as he stood stunned.

"Uncle…Uncle…Uncle Jimmy?"

"Yes. Uncle Jimmy." Tony grinned. "You're part of our family too."

"Aww, thanks guys!"

"So, what name did you decide upon in the end?" Ducky asked from where he stood next to Jenny, who was still cradling the child in her arms.

"Loren Tali David-DiNozzo." Ziva smiled and leant into Tony's side as he wrapped an arm around her.

"She's beautiful." Tony murmured as he pressed a kiss to the top of Ziva's head. "You did good."

"Hm. You did not do half bad yourself."

 **And so, we draw our tale to a close. I do hope you have enjoyed - as always I love to hear what you all think, whether by PM or review, although if you do not want to review or tell me what you thought then do not feel you have to. It is not compulsory, I shall not be upset or angry with you.**

 **Thank you for all of the reviews. It really has been great reading them.**

 **Until the next time...**


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